CHAPTER III : College un-bound

Persephonè was happy in this moment of her life. She seemed to have everything all lined up. Serious boyfriend, making money, recently graduated. She was looking onward to her future, specifically becoming an artist. She was to start college under what the university termed the 'art block'. This program allowed students to start taking classes in their desired area of study right away. It was perfect.

Even though Persephone was not fully immersed in the whole college experience by living on campus or in dorms, she loved college life. There was something about the campus atmosphere that felt like old world knowledge. She felt like she was stepping into a different time. Books gave off good energy, so maybe the wealth of knowledge simply emanating from the campus like an invisible force field was what she was feeling. Perhaps it was the architecture. Either way, having the art classes right away was a huge bonus. It allowed her to be with the same students in most of her classes. Persephonè always heard that you make your lifelong friends in college and she was looking forward to that possibility. She was learning a lot about art right away too. The teaching styles were very different from her small town honors art classes. She was used to creating whatever she wanted, no prompt, just freedom. In college, they taught about theory and composition. In her intro to drawing course her professor said to the whole class: "Most of you are here because you were the best artists in your class, but that will not be the case here." She assumed it was supposed to humble students' early. But she fully accepted she was not the best artist out there. She just enjoyed it. As class ended, her professor stopped her on the way out. "That speech about nobody being the best artist here" he said. "I wasn't really talking to you." It was one of the first moments she realized she might actually belong there. Her peers caught on, and instead of becoming likeable, she became someone in the way. Apparently it was not cool to be good at things.

Maybe she should join a school club as well. Persephonè's adventurous spirit was in full bloom. She joined the crew team. She had never thought of it before, she didn't even know what 'crew' was. But there was a table set up, and a captain selling pitches to students as they walked by like how sorority houses try to get pledges. Her curiosity peaked. And that was that.

Taking the boats out on the river for the first time was exhilarating...in a sort of frightening way. They launched right by the dam! Everyone was calm like this is a typical morning row on the river, and their confidence was easy to follow. What an amazing feeling going down the river in sync with others. Like you all became part of the river in that moment. There was a stillness to the movement. Like gliding with time rather than through it.

Overall, she was gaining more confidence. But the more confident she became, the smaller people wanted her to be.

Mitch appeared to be supportive of her choice to go to college. He would often meet her on campus. Actually, it seemed like he was trying to live vicariously through her. She thought it was kind of cute at first, the way he tried to walk around campus like he was a student too. He had brought her into a new world of people she didn't know and now she could return that feeling. But things are not always what they seem. Mitch needed to know where Persephone was at all times. When she was out of class. When she had breaks. When she worked. At first, she interpreted this as protection. She hadn't learned yet that there was a difference between wanting to be with someone and needing to monitor them. At this stage in her life, red flags often looked green.

The pressure to move forward in the relationship intensified. She was completely immersed in Mitch's world and detached from her own. It seemed they had stepped into another timeline. But, a moment came that should have been a thoughtful, romantic, once in a lifetime experience...turned into sorrow. The expected result of being intimate for the first time...did not happen the way it was supposed to. Was there something wrong with her? Mitch interrogated her on who her past boyfriends were. She didn't understand. He shamed her, called her a fraud, a liar and a tease. Persephone was left trying to explain something she couldn't. She didn't know what she did wrong. She went silent. Only fear and embarrassment remained.

The next day. Still confused, she told him she no longer wanted to be intimate until married. Mitch responded in a way that blindsided her: "Oh, so your just a tease!? You can't give and then take away like that. If you do this, I'll tell everyone about you!" She was terrified. Ashamed. From that day forward, she carried the fear that he could destroy her reputation whenever he wanted. And, being raised strict Catholic, she only saw one option. She now fully understood the saying 'you made your bed, now you have to lie in it'. And it stung. The adventurous young girl who used to ride around town releasing squirrels from the live-traps in peoples yards, was in one herself.

If she felt there was someone to talk to, she probably wouldn't have anyway. It was just too private. But like they say, time heals. And smiles keep people from asking questions. So, Persephone continued to acclimate to Mitch's world even more. They hung out with his family a lot. She started to consider his sisters her friends. She always knew her relationship with them was conditional though, like most the relationships in her life now.

It was no secret that Persephone's family, especially her mom, was against hers and Mitch's relationship from the start. Unfortunately, she was unaware of her mothers wisdom. Her mom noticed things Persephone dismissed, signs that were invisible to her. The constant check-ins. The way every decision was a negotiation. If Persephone did not answer her phone, he would call her repeatedly. If he did not get an answer, he would resort to calling everyone in the family until he found her.

Deep down, Persephone avoided asking herself certain questions. The answers always seemed to point in directions she wasn't ready to travel. She was just trying to find a way to get some happiness out of her choices. Those silver linings. She reminded herself how history was with arranged marriages, and at least this seemed better than that. And it wasn't always bad. Mitch did have good qualities and they did have fun together. She just accepted it fully for what it was. So when Mitch talked to her about marriage, it just seemed to be the obvious next step.

There was no grand display or romantic moment. Nothing fancy happened. Mitch brought her to pick out a ring, and once he paid it of, he went to her father to ask permission to marry her. She couldn't bring herself to go inside the house to witness it. It was an uneasy feeling she couldn't describe. It was mortifying and embarrassing at the same time. Obviously her father said no. And Mitch sort of enjoy that. It further distanced Persephone from her family. Looking back, it seemed that marriage itself was the goal. Not necessarily the true meaning of it. The way Persephone saw it though, was with compassion. She knew that in Mitch's mind, he was behind in life. His culture expected marriage to happen straight out of high school and if that didn't happen, you were looked at as defective. So, Persephone became secretly reluctant and outwardly excited in her engagement. It was a surreal emotion. It was a time of her life that would become a bit of a blur. She was flying on autopilot more often then not.

College became awkward. Everyone in her classes and crew team knew she was engaged now. She seemed to be on a different path in life than the rest all of a sudden. And the distance only got bigger. Mitch was everywhere. College was nearing the end of the first semester. It seemed life was at a crossroads.

Ends and beginnings.

One evening, The crew team was holding a meeting to talk about the season and outlook. Mitch insisted that he come with her.  His justification was that he was her fiancé now, and they should expect to see him around. She thought this was absurd. He was not part of the team.  She also knew, there was nothing she could do about it. The awkward stares as she entered the room with Mitch at her side were piercing. The uncomfortable-ness was palpable. She felt like a joke that's punchline would be told after she left. This was not the first time he inserted himself and it wasn't going to be the last. But it made her next decision easier to make.

You see, her family objected to their relationship so much, that they tried to forcibly steer her away in various ways. It was like tug of war. Her mother offered her an ultimatum this, thinking she knew what her daughter would choose. One last demand to change the course. "You are doing too much. You can't do it all. Between working full time, doing college full time, and dating...You need to give up something. You make the decision or I will". She couldn't quit work, her family needed her. She knew her mother expected her to end her relationship. But there was one thing her mother did not know. Persephone couldn't leave Mitch...he held her shame. So she did the only thing that would benefit everyone else....she quit college. Her dream was just a dream. The next season, the rowing shell would still glide across the river. Cutting through the crisp morning air. Just without her in it.